Phuthu Stay Phut, Don't go!

If you care about Mother Earth and would like to make a stand against Global Warming then mark this date in your diary now – March 28^th 2009.  At 8.30pm, all you need to do is switch off your lights for 60 minutes. Whatever you do in those 60 minutes is up to you.  I would have just finished (cross thumbs) the Cape Epic and will most definitely be in bed by then – my lights will be out in more ways than one so I’ll be a cracker of a participant. But if it were any other situation I would be kicking back with a glass of Rose reflecting on Mother Earth.

The campaign has been named Earth Hour and is an initiative by the World Wildlife Fund (WWF) to make a statement against Global Warming. Your participation is counted as a vote for Earth so if you are planning on taking part, visit VOTE EARTH and sign up so that they can count your vote. Even Helen Zille is taking part by switching off the lights that illuminate Table Mountain.

The campaign started in Sydney Australia in 2007 when 2.2 million homes and businesses switched off their lights for one hour. In 2008, approximately 50 million people from around the world took part in Earth Hour by switching off their lights. Iconic landmarks ranging from the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco to the Colosseum in Rome even stood in darkness.

This year, Earth Hour is thinking big, with the goal of having 1 billion people taking part to make a global vote. Over 74 countries have pledged their support to VOTE EARTH during Earth Hour 2009, and this number is growing everyday. So my fellow South Africans, visit http://www.voteearth2009.org today and see how you can become involved in this worldwide environmental campaign.

I was busy getting our juice ready for this past weekends ride and was fumbling with the Camelbak bladders and found a pack of Jelly Tots lurking in one of the compartments. I didn’t really feel like eating them but that’s never stopped me before. I guzzled some down and not even after two swishes in my mouth, I felt a hard piece of Jelly Tot. Mmm, new variant of Jelly Tot. not so tasty. I actually just knew that I had chipped my tooth. I spat out the piece of enamel like it was the most foreign thing ever and whimpered to myself ” I’m getting old, fcuk it”.

Now with everything else I have to organise for the Cape Epic, I have to make an appointment with a depressed dentist. Joy to my soul.

My Mom recommended a new dentist in Kloof so, I, being the very responsible person that I am, made an appointment.

I arrived at the dentist. The rooms were kind of, well, uhm, they needed some TLC. It was very quiet too, so quiet in fact that I felt like I needed to tip toe in there – and there was no one else in the waiting room either. Why is there no one else in the waiting room? Why? Maybe I should make a run for it now…The more I thought about it the more my mind wandered.  Maybe he’s a dentist killer by day, family man by night, maybe he’s not a family man at all maybe he’s just a dentist killer all day and all night and maybe the secretary is involved too. For Fcuk sake I wish I didn’t watch that blimmin Crime and Investigation network.

After a few minutes of waiting the dentist killer appeared. My jaw dropped as though I was already lying on the chair awaiting my filling. Crumbs, this guy is hot! Young and hot. Are we on the set of The Bachelor? I don’t care if he’s a dentist killer…I can deal with it.

“Louise Sanders” he called out in a confident tone.

I walked towards him feeling rather confident with that little bit of extra height thanks to my platform shoes.

He stretched his arm out to give me a handshake. “Hi I’m Dr sdlkfjslkdjf “. Clearly I didn’t quite get the name – I was too busy concentrating on being serious.

So I explained that I had a gaping hole in my tooth, the result of an innocent little encounter with a Jelly Tot. He found that amusing.

“Were they cold Jelly Tots?” He asked.

“No they were normal warm jelly tots” Why the hell would I eat hard jelly tots?

“Well okay then, we’ll fix it all up for you. Just have a seat”

Anything you say Dr sdlkfjslkdjf

“Mmm, what have you been eating that is blue” he pried.

“Oh I must have been chewing on my pen” He so knows I’m fibbing.

Was actually trying to get a piece of Cornflake out with the tip of a pen – it was the closest thing to a toothpick at that point in time okay!

And then just thinking about the blue dot of ink on my tooth, I felt an inner giggle attack coming on. Oh please no, not a giggle attack. The giggles start in my head and then quite quickly manifest into a visible fit of laughter. But thank goodness I saw that huge mother of an anaesthetic injection coming towards me because that sent those giggles to Timbuktu before I could say “dentist killer”.

The whole process was quick and painless although the right side of my mouth felt like it had a Botox overdose (not that I have ever had Botox!) and I tried limiting my answers to his questions to one word responses only for fear of sounding incoherent. I could see strings of slobber strewn from his gloves every now and then which made me feel REAL attractive. And when he was done, I thanked him in a kind of Chipmunk language, “Sank-you Zokter”. But before I could escape any further conversation he told me that I needed to come back at some stage for another minor filling in my wisdom tooth! “I need anuzer filling? Weally, anuzer injekshin too?” “Yes, you do”, he said with a sympathetic tone. Stop talking, go pay the bill, you sound like a Chipmunk and look like a monkey, stop providing him with free entertainment.

So as soon as he stopped talking, I waved goodbye and scuttled down the hallway to pay the secretary.

Fcuk – R880. “Really, are you sure” She is a medical secretary, why would she joke?

I swallowed some saliva and hesitantly handed over the Visa…